Trust yourself

What do you want? It’s not an easy question to answer. As a recovering people pleaser, I find it difficult to know what I want. I will quickly get behind what someone else wants. I’m easy, I’m someone who goes with the flow.

The thing is, it’s not easy to go with the flow. A lot of the time I feel pissed off or just not right. I spend lots of energy trying to mirror and understand what the people around me want or need me to be.

This is the type of dialog that’s running through my mind constantly:

Example 1: It looks like my friend is sad. Do they need a pep talk because they’ve had a hard day? I’ve got that covered, I’m the best at pep talks!

Example 2: Someone is being left out of the group! I must ask them a question or smile at them, so they know they are included.

It’s exhausting and most of the time overstimulating to decipher and soothe the needs of others. Yet, it makes me feel like a good person. Side note: what happens when I stop soothing the needs around me? Will people like me?

I’m focusing on my needs, trying to understand how I feel in a situation instead of understanding how I might be perceived or how others feel.

I’m trusting myself. Here are a few ways I trusted myself this week!

Example 1: Someone I was set up with asked me on a date. I felt apprehensive and asked to chat longer to get to know each other before the date. In the past, I would have focused on how that might make them feel, now I trust that my feelings are valid and ask for what I need.

Example 2: I told my friend I couldn’t give them a ride to a class we were taking together. I had previously told them I could but found out it was out of the way. Past me would have done it just because I had said I would. Now I can trust myself and know when I feel happy giving a ride to a friend and when it’s stressful and not something I want to do.