My first week living alone

I have shared a room with six women, moved sixteen times since graduating high school, lived in three different group houses with four or more housemates, and have never lived alone, until now.

I grew up with four siblings (including a twin) and have always loved the feeling of companionship. Being surrounded by the hustle and bustle of a group of people living their lives together gives me a feeling of interconnectedness and the constant excuse for distraction. There is always someone to run to the grocery store with, play a game in the evening, or talk to during a lull in my workday. I have loved group living. A chance to get to know new people deeply (which seems scarce in our ever-increasing independent society), learn new ways of living (always picking up new snacking and dessert habits), and how to share the difficult and joyous aspects of daily life.

Yet, group living has left me exhausted. The constant stress of being “on” in my living environment, cleaning up after other people, and the feeling of never quite feeling at home or settled has led me to my current predicament, living alone. I have a deep fear of being alone. Having others near feels comforting and safe. If a problem arose, it would be a group effort to tackle it. And problems do arise. For example, last year I got poison oak so bad my housemate had to take me to same-day care to get meds or when stormy weather hits and the power goes out. It’s just nice to have someone close by in those situations.

I’m embarking on a new era in life. It’s not for long, potentially only three months but that feels big to me, and I have officially made it through my first week. Here is what I have learned so far!

Things will go wrong, and you can handle them. During my first week living alone, the power went out for a day, a snowstorm hit leaving me more isolated than normal, and the bathroom ceiling fan randomly started leaking water. I have cried, spent too much time on my phone, and struggled to sleep. I have also, danced wildly, spent lots of time in the kitchen making delicious and healthy meals, read a book, taken three spa baths, and enjoyed slow mornings journaling and watching the birds. So far, I am enjoying living alone and just like living with people, there are pros and cons.

Right now, a major pro is learning more about myself and allowing myself to be the main character in my life. And that’s the goal of this special few months I have alone. To learn more about myself by embracing the fear of being alone.

Caveat: I know I am not alone and can rely on many friends and family near and far & I do!